I didn’t want to have to go here, but I seem to have no choice. Because lately I have been visually assaulted with fashion and makeup faux pas that dictate the need for my response (trust me, I tried really hard to repress my feelings and need for response, but it didn’t work).
So if you are guilty of any of the things below, please don’t be overly offended by my remarks, because I guarantee you, just about everyone is thinking what I am verbalizing.
In fact, maybe you should even consider thanking me. Because obviously you didn’t realize you were committing crimes against fashion; ah hell, let’s just change it to crimes against plain ole sensible dressing, because that is what it is.
So if you are over the age of let’s say, 21, and are committing any of these wrongs, considered yourself righted:
Black bra under a white shirt:
Excuse me, is your name Carrie Bradshaw? No? It isn’t? Oh. Then what were you thinking, exactly? Because that? That does not look good. In fact come to think of it, it didn’t even look good on Carrie Bradshaw and that girl looked good in just about anything. Now, go home and change.
Sparkly blue eye shadow during the day:
Do I really need to explain this? *Sigh* Okay. Ke$ha called, she wants her skank back.
Socks with Birkenstocks or Crocs:
One question. What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you ever wear that? Can you not see how ugly that looks? Please, take that shit off your feet.
Lip liner darker than your lips:
Um, sweetie? Kim Mathers is not a fashion icon for a good reason.
Lucite platform heels:
Unless your about to hump a shiny pole on a stage under disco lights, maybe you should reconsider wearing those shoes. Just saying.
Foundation that stops just above the jaw line:
Does it really take that much more effort to blend your makeup downward a little further? I mean, you do realize that we can actually see your neck, right?
Purposely wearing too tight pants with a too small shirt, creating large waist overhang:
I know most people call this a Muffintop. I however, call it a Portobello Mushroom, because a family of trolls can live, garden, and throw troll parties under that ledge of blubber. So note to you: it’s okay if your 5 year old pants don’t fit you anymore, you can go buy bigger and better fitting ones. Really.
Tiger striped hair:
Are you a brunette with blonde highlights? Or a blonde with brunette streaks? Make up your mind, you’re confusing everyone.
Reinforced-toe pantyhose with sandals: