Blizzard of 2011

Back when I was little, a blizzard used to be called a blizzard.  But those days are gone and now a huge snowstorm is referred to as: Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, Snownado, Blizzaster, or according to my local village government, a Snow Event. 

Meh…I’m still sticking with the word blizzard.

So I've decided to mix-up things up a bit on my blog this week and chronicle my experience with the Chicago Blizzard of 2011, using both words and pictures (a big step for me...).

Tuesday 2/1

10:00 am: All the news reports are predicting a bad blizzard.  So I stopped at the local grocery store to stock up on the necessities: milk, bread, chocolate, and half and half for my coffee.   In addition, I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to try and buy some Boston Cremes since it's been a while, but they were out. Again!!! Which? I’ve said before and I will say again. I. Cannot. Understand. How. Dunkin. Donuts. Can. Run. Out. Of.  Donuts. EVER!! They have one job on planet Earth and that is to make ENOUGH donuts, so that when I go there to buy some, they are in STOCK.  And yet, YET, they never make enough Boston Cremes.  To my local Mr-Dunkin-Donuts-Store-Manager: I ran a computer abstract algebraic algorithm on how to resolve your Boston Creme donut shortage.  This is the answer it computed: MAKE MORE NUMBNUT.   Any rate, now because of you loser DD store manager, my stupid blizzard experience is off to a rocky start.

1:00 pm: School website announced school will be closed tomorrow.

2:02 pm: Picked up kids from school; they confirmed the closing and were beyond excited with upcoming snow-day.  Me, not so much.

3:05 pm: Kids fighting.

3:20 pm: Snow and wind have really started to kick in.

3:40 pm: Kids still fighting….I tried to send them outside ‘to play’, but they were having none of it.

4:05 pm: I decided I should try to photo-chronicle the blizzard, so I took this picture of our Adirondack Chair on our deck (by the way, I cannot for the life of me ever remember how to pronounce the name of this damn chair; it always comes out as Air-ron-di-rack.  I actually think that sounds better).

4:07 pm: Received a recorded call from our local city government regarding the “snow event” (by the way, am I missing something here?  Is the word blizzard now politically incorrect?):  Expect 18 inches of snow, 40 mph winds, disruption of electrical power, some streets to go unplowed, and limited public emergency service response.  Uh gee guys, thanks for...uh...the heads up.

4:52 pm: Kids still fighting, so I calmly issue this warning:

“Quit irritating me you two, or I’m gonna rip out your esophagi.”

This actually worked for about 10 minutes, not out of fear, but because they worked together to try to figure out how to spell and then look up, the definition of esophagi. And if you think about it, that one little sentence displays my great mothering skills, on several different levels. 

5:14 pm: Realization I drank the last of my vodka with a friend a couple of weeks ago during Friday Movie Night and forgot to replenish my supply. (Damn!  How could I let this go unnoticed??) Wondered if driving to Foremost Liquors during a blizzard is considered child endangerment........

7:00 pm:  Looked out the window and saw nothing but white flakes swirling in the air.  Glad I was indoors.

7:32 pm: Glenn looked out the window and declared he might go cross country skiing right then. (See how Glenn is the 'ding' to my 'dong'? Actually, I think he's sometimes more like the ding-a-ling to my dong-a-long.  But that doesn't sound quite right, now that I think about it, and I'm sure he would want me to switch it to him as the dong-a-long, but then that would make me the ding-a-ling, which is wholly unacceptable.) Anyway...I informed him that’s dumbest thing he’s suggested this week. Then he points out some guy is currently outside walking his dog, which prompts my heartfelt reply:

“Okay buddy, knock yourself out.  But just remember, I married you for better and for worse, not for better and for worse and for stupid. So don’t even think I’m gonna venture outside to rescue your dumbass when you get stuck.  Oh, and according to the pre-recorded message we got earlier, neither will emergency services.”

8:08 pm: Snow plow plowed our street.  Our mailbox survived.  At least this go-round.

9:12 pm: A peek out the window confirmed, yep, it’s still blizzarding.  I took a picture, but it came out all black so I didn’t post it, 'cuz I figured no one would appreciate my Ansel Adamless.

Wednesday 2/2

8:15 am:  A morning look outside proved we got hit pretty hard last night.  Here’s a new picture of my snowed-in Airondirack chair.  

9:22 am: Another pre-recorded call, this time from Waste Management: no garbage pickup today.  What a bunch of wussies……

11:00 am: Snow has stopped and our family decided to venture outside.  We adults will clear the drive, while the kids play.  Hey together, maybe we can make this blizzard fun!  By the way, this is our buried van, which couldn’t be pulled into the garage last night, due to stuff Glenn has collected (because one never truly knows when he will be in need of Honey Baked Ham Styrofoam shipping containers, misc pieces of plywood, six kinds of coolers, leftover pumpkins from Halloween, and 2004 Bears tail-gating paraphernalia.)   

11:05 am: Thought I would provide a photo of the back of my house, a shot taken between the garage and shed, to show the crazy amount of accumulation.  Notice my sun decorations covered with snow?

11:55 am: Forty minutes later and all we have been able to clear is the first four feet of our driveway.  Fun my ass!

12:20: This is me in my three layers of winter Fashion Don't clothes.  And the thing pulled up over my head that looks like a dead badger?  It’s partly my hair, partly my brown fuzzy ear muffs, and partly my daughter’s rainbow colored tube scarf, strategically pulled apart to cover my head, with the excess wrapped around my neck.  What can I say? I lost my hat.  It’s probably lying somewhere in sin with my black leather left glove.  And I hope you appreciate my strategic Vanna White pose, which was meant to convey the amount of snow we received (to give you a reference, I’m 5”9 ½  without the rubber boots).

1:15 pm: Six metric tons of heaved snow later and our driveway’s only partially cleared!  Notice how the path of our drive narrows as it leads to the edge of the street?  This is because our puny snow blower could not clear the wall of snow we built.  And neither could our bodies.  Damn blizzard….  Did I mention the snow blower broke too?  On the flip side, I’m thinking I must have burned at least 600 calories moving snow, which I feel I should promptly replenish with a bit-o-chocolate cake, seeing as I have no Boston Cremes.

2:02 pm:  Where the hell is that bitch Betty Crocker when you need her?  Could have sworn I had a box of devil’s food cake mix in my pantry, but it was no where to be found.

2:35 pm: Pre-recorded call from school. Huh? ANOTHER snow day tomorrow?  But it’s not even supposed to snow…..

2:40 pm: Left the kids with Glenn to head out to Foremost Liquors, for uh, peanuts. 

3:20 pm: Returned with the ‘peanuts’, and forgive-me-God, a box of Hostess Suzy-Q’s, which was the closest devil’s food cake substitute I could find.

4:00 pm:  Here’s a picture of my cat I took today.  It has absolutely nothing to do with the blizzard; I just liked the way she looked hanging over the edge.  Shortly after I took the picture, I threw a paperball at her face.  Since she was wedged through the banister in an awkward position, she couldn't really move to avoid get pelted.  So, I did it again.  And then once more, for good measure.  I figured it was mini payback for having to clean up her cat puke a month ago.

5:30 pm:  Judging from today’s lack of mail, I guess the whole "Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the postmen from their appointed rounds" slogan is complete bullshit.  I suppose I can wait another day to have my mail misdelivered.

Thursday 2/3 
Although the blizzard is over, we (actually, me mostly) are still dealing with its aftermath.  The 'fun' doesn't really start until the afternoon........ 

6:30 am: Awake to -3 temperature and new humungous piles of snow dumped at end of our drive, courtesy of the late night snowplow.

7:10 am: Glenn clears enough snow to squeak out one car and drives off to work.  The drive is now narrower than it was yesterday.

1:30 pm: I return from a quick errand but can’t back up van in drive due to new snowplow snow piles constricting the drive.

1:31 pm: Grabbed a shovel and start hacking away at the icy snowplow snow.

2:00 pm: Still shoveling new snow pile snow.

2:15 pm: Am now at war with the snow piles in my drive.

2:30 pm: In a fit of raging brilliance (lunacy?) I devise an idea to kill the snowplow snow piles.  From the recycling bin (still full due to lack of garbage service) I grab an empty box.  From the wood pile, I grab two logs.  From the kitchen I grab a lighter.  From my kid’s notebook, I grab four pieces of paper.   From the garage, I grab the can of gasoline.  With all my supplies in place, I proceed to start the end of my driveway....on fire. This is my attempt to, you know, melt the snowplow snow piles.

2:33 pm: Tried to take pictures of my burning snow pile with my cell phone.  Son of bitch, my cell powers down. Too bad, you have enjoyed the pictures, because the fire was just starting to blaze.

*NOTE: At this point, the following few times listed are approximated*

2:34 pm: Passing anonymous neighbor in a car slows down while driving past my fire and gives me a strange look; I flip him off.

2:35 pm: I'm pretty sure my kid rats me out to her dad.

2:36 pm: I am summoned to our home phone by my husband.

2:37 pm: *Sigh*   Fire put out with a shovel full of snow.  And before you even question me, ala Glenn, please know I did TOO have a back up plan if I had accidentally set myself on fire: I was gonna jump in the snow (but I knew I wouldn’t have to, because I was careful. With the gasoline. Sheesh.)

2:59 pm: Snow pile has won.  For today.  I smell vaguely of soot, but at least my phone is charged enough for me to take these post fire photos:

I plan on buying road salt this weekend, so that on Monday (when no one is home to nark on me) I can attach the yard hose to my laundry room faucet, run it to the end of the drive, and melt the snowplow snow piles with hot water. 

Before I sign off, I wanted to take a quick moment to Welcome all my new Followers. You really did make the Blizzard of 2011 a day for me to remember!  I hope I can continue to make you smile.  And to all those that provided comments......Loved. Them. All.  

Also a hearty thanks to The Empress (Good Day, Regular People) for her very generous seal of approval and gift of new followers!  And last, but not least, thanks to BCLilly4Life (http://bclilly4life.blogspot.com/) who also recognized me with a Content Unrated Award.

Finally, to my 'old' Followers....I luv you too!